The End: Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man

As I wrap-up this book, Act Like a Lady: Think Like a Man, I am taking notes.  I am also noting that me, as described by Steve Harvey are not that hard to get or figure out but us women have to be smarter to understand a man is just a man it’s just that simple and we can never change them we can ad and make suggestions but at the end of the day they are just simple men.  They want a simple life with a little pleasure but who doesn’t want that. 

Chapter 3 is entitled the playbook: How to win the game.  I was thinking to myself what game is that?  Because, I don’t like to play games and just when I think men are simple creatures these are the games that we me ladies but already know the play book to survive. So, here it goes.

Section 9, Men Respect Standards-Get Some.  This was a good chapter to read because I want to know just how men respect standards.  So Steve says while men appreciate in when women let them know up front what they require in a relationship, I firmly believe women need to step back every once in a while and let the man show you what he’s made of- you know, prove that he’s worthy of your time.  OK, I can respect that and it is often times I do want the man to figure some things out, I don’t want to have to be the one to tell him everything.  Sometimes women can make it too easy for a man and I think that is what Steve was trying to say.  We need to just be a lady and let the man be the man. I know it’s hard because for so many of us we are so use to doing our own thing and letting men know what we like and don’t or get lost.   So what are these requirements?  Steve is suggesting that we offer up information on what we don’t like as to what we do like.  That sounds hard to men.  How do I do that?  It’s so easy for me to tell a guy what I like because I figure they want to know about that first.  Recently, I decided to add some items to my standards list and apply them to a recent date and it worked.  I told a guy if we are going on a first couple of dates TGIF Friday’s was not what I had in mind. Of course I didn’t say it exactly like that, but I did let him know I didn’t like that place in fact, I hate their food so much.  Now the true test was what was going to be the alternative restaurant to have dinner.  He picked Sweet Water Tavern and that was like 5 steps better than TGIF Friday’s.  So in the end the date was nice and I and I told him how nice the place was and that is the kind of places I like to eat so I hope he never picks a bar style like that again.  Section 10 was also a good one because I used this on my first date as well.  Section 10 was called: The five questions every woman should ask before she gets in too deep.  Question 1: What are your short-term goals?  Knowing what a man’s short term goals are important because these goals are simple everyday moves and steps that allow the man to reach and fulfill his long term goals.  His short term goals also means that we is working on something, that he is not a loser, my favorite word and that he is not settled with just what he has, that he wants more and wants to do better.  I give an A+ to short term goals but if I hear a man tell me that in his short term goal is to find a woman he can have a great friendship that makes me smile but it also depends on if they want a committed relationship as a long term goal.  Question 2 was of course, what are your long term goals? If he has no real long term goals he may not be looking to settle down or even get married in the future so I ask this questions right away.  I asked a guy once if he wanted to get married one day and that seems to be a long term goal in my mind and he said no.  I want to get married of course and should I stop dating him for that?  I don’t think so.  He may one day ass marriage to his long term goal and while I’m still getting to know him the short term goals are what I care about the most in a new relationship. Question 3, what are your views on relationships?  Men may think this is a trick question and Steve suggests waiting for this question after a new dates and I agree.  How I think men would answer this question is I think it’s not for everyone and it’s important to make sure you are happy in that situation.  How I would answer the question is to say I think relationships are the most important thing in life.  Whether it’s with a mate, family, or on the job.  Most people do not know how to build good relationships anymore.  I also think that men think a relationship in most cases men a committed situation, but it don’t have to be I would rephrase the question and ask what type of relationships to you have with the people you most care about in your life.  Their answer will show me if he loves the people in his life, care about them and care about the relationship its self.  Some men just throw away a good relationship because they are tripping but that’s their lost.  Question 4 is what do you think about me?  I am not sure if I have ever asked this question but Steve says before you have sex with them guy ask them this question.  You have the right to know what he thinks about you, more than just you are pretty and you are funny as the basic things you already know about yourself but you want to know what he think is about you to determine if you are someone he plans to continue to know and keep around.  He the guy tells you something like I think you have a bad attitude then that is something you might want to work on ladies, if he says you know I think we are smarter than you give yourself credit for that is some new shit…lol some shit that might put a smile on my face and hug him a little longer.  Question 5 is how do you feel about me?  Steve does not want us to confuse these questions.  He says that these questions have two different answers and should be cleared stated as two different questions.  So what is a good how do you feel about me answer?  I would say if a man told me he feels that I have a good spirit and when he is around him I make he feel like a better person.  A guy told me he thought I had a good spirit about me and that was something new but it felt good to know he felt that I was sweet and was brought good to his life already. 

Section 11 is The 90 day rule: Getting the respect you deserve.  This chapter was hard for me to read because it is true we should enforce the 90 day rule and I’m in the process of dating two guys right now and the 90 rule is hard but it’s important.  First of all I don’t want to be sleeping with everyone who takes me on a nice date I want them to know that what’s between my legs is the best thing in life and it isn’t free.  Plus, I don’t know what their attentions are yet if they want to be with me or just sleep with me.  This is also hard because you have to actually date the person in those 90 days.  Do people know how to date anymore?  I would like to be on a date twice a week, it can be anything it can be a free date, a cheap date and whatever date but as long as we are getting to know each other and spend time with each other that is important.  So how does the 90 day rule work?  Ladies, the man has to prove that he deserves the cookies.  In 90 days he needs to be putting out his best and making you feel that you he is capable of the job and that you picked the best person for the job but he must know he is not the only one for the job that out of a pool of candidates he was the top but not the only one, that was funny but it makes sense.  A man will respect you if you tell him to wait.  Steve says yes they can wait and I think they can wait too.  Steve offers some great 90 day rule activities that should take place so that you can get to know him and know what ya’ll have in common. Going to dinner and movies all the time is not telling you much about the person but if you do activities that allow the two of you to get to know each other then he is showing you that he is willing to do anything just to be with you and when the time is right he is enjoy every moment of you.  I like that Steve! 

Section 12: If he’s meeting the kids after you decide he’s the one it’s too late.  I do not have any kids but I refer to my mother on this chapter.  I knew my step father ever since I was six years-old.  My mom was a young mother and put me first while she was in school so my step father knew from the beginning that I was a priority.  I remember many dates they had where I was with them.  Even weekend trips, I was right there.  I wonder if my dad was ever like not again why is she is?  Lol but I look back and I should have been there for most of the trips and dates because he was getting to know my mother and she was not this single mother he needed to know what else she brought to the table.  It’s been over 20 years now and I love my step father and we have a great relationship I call him dad no questions asked.  I think because my mom brought me around he was able to get to know me too and build a relationship with me.  Steve is saying that when the ladies don’t bring the guy around you don’t even know if he will get along with your kids but you want to date the dude? That doesn’t make sense and it don’t.  Your kids should be important to you enough that you want to know if this man is not only right for you but your kids.  Section 13: Strong and Independent and Lonely Women.  This was another section that I took notes on as well and will refer to more than once.  There are women who are successful and doing their thing, and that is great but those who are looking for a man forget that a man still wants to be a man and give them everything.  Just think about it, you may think you have everything but you don’t you don’t have a man, now do you so allow the ma to be a man and still take care of you and do all the things that he can do for you.  From the beginning, women are taught to be strong and independent, meaning don’t let people walk all over you, be strong so that you are not viewed as weak.  It does not mean be so strong that you make your man weak and don’t be too independent to the point you push the right one away.  Everyone wants love, even Oprah!  Those women who be little their men and have this “I don’t need a man for nothing” attitude end up being the ones that are lonely.  Steve says don’t stop doing your thing but work on being a lady and he gives a few examples of how to be a lady in all areas.  Section 14: How to get the ring.  I am nowhere near that in my life but it was interesting to read.  Those women who are in relationships that are waiting to get married, Steve offers more helpful tips, the first one is to set some requirements and set a date.  If you living with him have his kids and do everything a wife would do?  He is not going to rush to marry you.  I think I knew that already.  Men view marriage differently than women and one thing I do know you can’t rush a man to do anything.  Steve wants women to continue to set some standards until they get the ring and then walk down the aisle.  Tell him that you are not going to wait around forever and if you have to threaten that you will leave to test him, then do so because if he has done all the things with you like a husband would do then they don’t want to risk losing you.  The final Section was 15: The quick answers to questions we want to ask.  Some of the questions I couldn’t believe women wanted to know but there is one I just needed to know the answer to, does it matter if your woman likes sports. I never really knew the real answer.  I use to have a boyfriend who would never want to come over and watch football games on Sunday at my house because he said he knew I didn’t watch football games, but I still wanted to see him.  I never understood why he just didn’t come over, but months later he told me that because he didn’t want me to just be sitting there and not understand the game, ask all these questions he just wanted to do “him” and watch the game.  I was bad for a moment but got over it because he was right.  I would have had so many questions and he just wanted one day a week to be a man and do something he liked for just him.  So Steve’s answer was if I don’t like sports, go do something else.  I finally got the answer, thank you god!

This was the last blog entry for the book and I really enjoyed it.  Steve has gotten lots of media attention based on the book and I think its good read for those 21 and older and for all races.  It is one of those books that I can put in a reference category.  Stay tuned for what’s coming up in April.



2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by urbzen on March 30, 2009 at 11:22 pm

    I didn’t catch the Harvey interview, but everything I’ve read about it makes me completely nauseated. I’m sorry that a divorced comedian doesn’t think I have anything to offer a man beyond my vagina, er, “cookie”, but that’s his problem, not mine. Also, I strenuously object to the notion that every woman is dead set on marrying the man she’s dating. They say a man will never buy the cow if he’s getting the milk for free… but what if the cow isn’t for sale? Ponder that.

    Steve Harvey wishes you weren’t such a slut

  2. hi tiffany! great review on the book and how it helped you. i haven’t read the entire book but i definitely read what you reviewed.. so i’m right on target for march =) man most of the ppl that disagree or have so many qualms with steve and the book are the people that haven’t read the book. i like his simple, plan, tell it like it is language. he includes marriage, dating and all for the topic to be relevant to all women. great pick! what’s up for april?

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