Archive for March, 2009

The End: Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man

As I wrap-up this book, Act Like a Lady: Think Like a Man, I am taking notes.  I am also noting that me, as described by Steve Harvey are not that hard to get or figure out but us women have to be smarter to understand a man is just a man it’s just that simple and we can never change them we can ad and make suggestions but at the end of the day they are just simple men.  They want a simple life with a little pleasure but who doesn’t want that. 

Chapter 3 is entitled the playbook: How to win the game.  I was thinking to myself what game is that?  Because, I don’t like to play games and just when I think men are simple creatures these are the games that we me ladies but already know the play book to survive. So, here it goes.

Section 9, Men Respect Standards-Get Some.  This was a good chapter to read because I want to know just how men respect standards.  So Steve says while men appreciate in when women let them know up front what they require in a relationship, I firmly believe women need to step back every once in a while and let the man show you what he’s made of- you know, prove that he’s worthy of your time.  OK, I can respect that and it is often times I do want the man to figure some things out, I don’t want to have to be the one to tell him everything.  Sometimes women can make it too easy for a man and I think that is what Steve was trying to say.  We need to just be a lady and let the man be the man. I know it’s hard because for so many of us we are so use to doing our own thing and letting men know what we like and don’t or get lost.   So what are these requirements?  Steve is suggesting that we offer up information on what we don’t like as to what we do like.  That sounds hard to men.  How do I do that?  It’s so easy for me to tell a guy what I like because I figure they want to know about that first.  Recently, I decided to add some items to my standards list and apply them to a recent date and it worked.  I told a guy if we are going on a first couple of dates TGIF Friday’s was not what I had in mind. Of course I didn’t say it exactly like that, but I did let him know I didn’t like that place in fact, I hate their food so much.  Now the true test was what was going to be the alternative restaurant to have dinner.  He picked Sweet Water Tavern and that was like 5 steps better than TGIF Friday’s.  So in the end the date was nice and I and I told him how nice the place was and that is the kind of places I like to eat so I hope he never picks a bar style like that again.  Section 10 was also a good one because I used this on my first date as well.  Section 10 was called: The five questions every woman should ask before she gets in too deep.  Question 1: What are your short-term goals?  Knowing what a man’s short term goals are important because these goals are simple everyday moves and steps that allow the man to reach and fulfill his long term goals.  His short term goals also means that we is working on something, that he is not a loser, my favorite word and that he is not settled with just what he has, that he wants more and wants to do better.  I give an A+ to short term goals but if I hear a man tell me that in his short term goal is to find a woman he can have a great friendship that makes me smile but it also depends on if they want a committed relationship as a long term goal.  Question 2 was of course, what are your long term goals? If he has no real long term goals he may not be looking to settle down or even get married in the future so I ask this questions right away.  I asked a guy once if he wanted to get married one day and that seems to be a long term goal in my mind and he said no.  I want to get married of course and should I stop dating him for that?  I don’t think so.  He may one day ass marriage to his long term goal and while I’m still getting to know him the short term goals are what I care about the most in a new relationship. Question 3, what are your views on relationships?  Men may think this is a trick question and Steve suggests waiting for this question after a new dates and I agree.  How I think men would answer this question is I think it’s not for everyone and it’s important to make sure you are happy in that situation.  How I would answer the question is to say I think relationships are the most important thing in life.  Whether it’s with a mate, family, or on the job.  Most people do not know how to build good relationships anymore.  I also think that men think a relationship in most cases men a committed situation, but it don’t have to be I would rephrase the question and ask what type of relationships to you have with the people you most care about in your life.  Their answer will show me if he loves the people in his life, care about them and care about the relationship its self.  Some men just throw away a good relationship because they are tripping but that’s their lost.  Question 4 is what do you think about me?  I am not sure if I have ever asked this question but Steve says before you have sex with them guy ask them this question.  You have the right to know what he thinks about you, more than just you are pretty and you are funny as the basic things you already know about yourself but you want to know what he think is about you to determine if you are someone he plans to continue to know and keep around.  He the guy tells you something like I think you have a bad attitude then that is something you might want to work on ladies, if he says you know I think we are smarter than you give yourself credit for that is some new shit…lol some shit that might put a smile on my face and hug him a little longer.  Question 5 is how do you feel about me?  Steve does not want us to confuse these questions.  He says that these questions have two different answers and should be cleared stated as two different questions.  So what is a good how do you feel about me answer?  I would say if a man told me he feels that I have a good spirit and when he is around him I make he feel like a better person.  A guy told me he thought I had a good spirit about me and that was something new but it felt good to know he felt that I was sweet and was brought good to his life already. 

Section 11 is The 90 day rule: Getting the respect you deserve.  This chapter was hard for me to read because it is true we should enforce the 90 day rule and I’m in the process of dating two guys right now and the 90 rule is hard but it’s important.  First of all I don’t want to be sleeping with everyone who takes me on a nice date I want them to know that what’s between my legs is the best thing in life and it isn’t free.  Plus, I don’t know what their attentions are yet if they want to be with me or just sleep with me.  This is also hard because you have to actually date the person in those 90 days.  Do people know how to date anymore?  I would like to be on a date twice a week, it can be anything it can be a free date, a cheap date and whatever date but as long as we are getting to know each other and spend time with each other that is important.  So how does the 90 day rule work?  Ladies, the man has to prove that he deserves the cookies.  In 90 days he needs to be putting out his best and making you feel that you he is capable of the job and that you picked the best person for the job but he must know he is not the only one for the job that out of a pool of candidates he was the top but not the only one, that was funny but it makes sense.  A man will respect you if you tell him to wait.  Steve says yes they can wait and I think they can wait too.  Steve offers some great 90 day rule activities that should take place so that you can get to know him and know what ya’ll have in common. Going to dinner and movies all the time is not telling you much about the person but if you do activities that allow the two of you to get to know each other then he is showing you that he is willing to do anything just to be with you and when the time is right he is enjoy every moment of you.  I like that Steve! 

Section 12: If he’s meeting the kids after you decide he’s the one it’s too late.  I do not have any kids but I refer to my mother on this chapter.  I knew my step father ever since I was six years-old.  My mom was a young mother and put me first while she was in school so my step father knew from the beginning that I was a priority.  I remember many dates they had where I was with them.  Even weekend trips, I was right there.  I wonder if my dad was ever like not again why is she is?  Lol but I look back and I should have been there for most of the trips and dates because he was getting to know my mother and she was not this single mother he needed to know what else she brought to the table.  It’s been over 20 years now and I love my step father and we have a great relationship I call him dad no questions asked.  I think because my mom brought me around he was able to get to know me too and build a relationship with me.  Steve is saying that when the ladies don’t bring the guy around you don’t even know if he will get along with your kids but you want to date the dude? That doesn’t make sense and it don’t.  Your kids should be important to you enough that you want to know if this man is not only right for you but your kids.  Section 13: Strong and Independent and Lonely Women.  This was another section that I took notes on as well and will refer to more than once.  There are women who are successful and doing their thing, and that is great but those who are looking for a man forget that a man still wants to be a man and give them everything.  Just think about it, you may think you have everything but you don’t you don’t have a man, now do you so allow the ma to be a man and still take care of you and do all the things that he can do for you.  From the beginning, women are taught to be strong and independent, meaning don’t let people walk all over you, be strong so that you are not viewed as weak.  It does not mean be so strong that you make your man weak and don’t be too independent to the point you push the right one away.  Everyone wants love, even Oprah!  Those women who be little their men and have this “I don’t need a man for nothing” attitude end up being the ones that are lonely.  Steve says don’t stop doing your thing but work on being a lady and he gives a few examples of how to be a lady in all areas.  Section 14: How to get the ring.  I am nowhere near that in my life but it was interesting to read.  Those women who are in relationships that are waiting to get married, Steve offers more helpful tips, the first one is to set some requirements and set a date.  If you living with him have his kids and do everything a wife would do?  He is not going to rush to marry you.  I think I knew that already.  Men view marriage differently than women and one thing I do know you can’t rush a man to do anything.  Steve wants women to continue to set some standards until they get the ring and then walk down the aisle.  Tell him that you are not going to wait around forever and if you have to threaten that you will leave to test him, then do so because if he has done all the things with you like a husband would do then they don’t want to risk losing you.  The final Section was 15: The quick answers to questions we want to ask.  Some of the questions I couldn’t believe women wanted to know but there is one I just needed to know the answer to, does it matter if your woman likes sports. I never really knew the real answer.  I use to have a boyfriend who would never want to come over and watch football games on Sunday at my house because he said he knew I didn’t watch football games, but I still wanted to see him.  I never understood why he just didn’t come over, but months later he told me that because he didn’t want me to just be sitting there and not understand the game, ask all these questions he just wanted to do “him” and watch the game.  I was bad for a moment but got over it because he was right.  I would have had so many questions and he just wanted one day a week to be a man and do something he liked for just him.  So Steve’s answer was if I don’t like sports, go do something else.  I finally got the answer, thank you god!

This was the last blog entry for the book and I really enjoyed it.  Steve has gotten lots of media attention based on the book and I think its good read for those 21 and older and for all races.  It is one of those books that I can put in a reference category.  Stay tuned for what’s coming up in April.



Part Two of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

As I continue to read this book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, I wish Steve Harvey came out with a copy 26 years ago so that my mother could have read it to me…. LOL…  It is a good book and I am taking notes ladies and gentlemen.


Part Two: Why Men Do What They Do was very informative because I don’t know why they do what they do.  Chapter Five, talks about why men wants to sleep with us ladies.  OK, from the headline I assumed Steve will explain who sex is so important to men but he goes to talk about how men get sex from women and how we women have the power to set our requirements up front if we don’t want to sleep with them right away.  He explains what is going through a man’s mind when he sees a beautiful woman and figuring out ways and how long it will take for him to have sex with her.  The bottom-line was that setting the standards in the beginning will get his mind thinking if I really like her and care about her I will wait until she is ready, the idea won’t go away but the urgency is not so much.  I liked that chapter because I never understand why men are willing to have sex so fast ad first before going to dinner, going to a movie, talking on the phone its like I don’t care just give me the panties and its just wrong.  It’s not fair either because while he is getting your panties he is getting someone else’s panties.


Chapter Six, addresses how men decide if a woman is a plaything or a keeper.  I raise my hand for being a keeper. Here comes those standards and requirements again ladies.  The plaything sets no standards and just goes along for the ride, the enjoyment the non-commitment.  I’m sure they don’t willingly do this but because they have not demanded more, they won’t get more.  Now, the one who sets standards and let the guy know up front what they are willing to do and not do then the man sees them as a keeper, the one who will include in life decisions and wait for.  Steve explains how men view sex as well.  It’s not all emotional for them as it is for us.  Also in the book reveals some suggestive statements and phrases women should practice saying if they want to be viewed a keeper and not a plaything and ladies its all in how we carry ourselves as well.  A man can tell a hoe from a housewife real fast.  Steve has a checklist to determine if you are a keeper or a plaything and the items are really good.

Here are a few:

1.    A woman who is loyal is a keeper; a woman who has her eye out for the next best thing is a throwback

2.    A woman who commands respect is a keeper; a woman who lets men get away with disrespecting her is a throwback.

3.    If he laughs off your requirements and standards, then he’s sport fishing; if he seems willing to abide by your rules, and actually follows through on them, then he’s looking for a keeper.


Chapter Seven addresses men who are mama’s boy.  I have never dated a mama’s boy but I have girlfriends who have and it drives them crazy.  On one hand it’s a good thing that your man has a good relationship with his mother and will do anything for her, but when he puts his wife and kids on the back burner for her and let’s her disrespect his lady then that is the problem.  Steve offers some helpful tips when dealing with mama’s boy.  He tells a good story about a woman who is tired of her mama’s boy.  Her husband jumps every time his mother wants something and she is left at home with the kids.  He tells this woman based off a Strawberry Letter 23 answer to tell him if he goes over there late again he better stay there.  To put some requirements on her husband and that is a good thing.  To make him realize what is most important.  That was good advice I thought but I can see how women would have a problem because nobody better talk about a man’s mother or make him choose that is a hard thing because he might choose his mother over his lady.


Chapter Eight, here is the Chapter that I was dying to read.  Steve is right about the fact that women will put up with a lot in all aspects, at work, at home with their man, but cheating is not one. If a man cheats he will be reminded everyday that he cheated and with whom like it was yesterday.  It will take some time for us to forgive them but I think women may stay with them.  So to answer the million-dollar question, why do men cheat, it is because they can.  There is always someone out there that will sleep with them regardless and when he does cheat him is not emotional attached to the situation meaning he can do it and be done with it or keep doing it and not having any feelings about it afterwards.  They lack of emotions make room for cheating to happen.  Men also think they can get away with it.  They try every slick trick in the book and they don’t think they will get caught because they don’t care.  He is cheating because he is still figuring out who he is and what he wants.  Now, this part was some bull because the guy can figure that out without me, so why be with me.  Men are always trying to be a man and be strong and reach some level and never satisfied, its like dude you re a good man chill out I’m with you so what’s the problem.  It’s not good enough for them.  Think about it when their boys find out they are cheating they don’t stop them they either encourage him or is jealous and that is a man’s playground to know his boys respect him as a man.  Of course, Steve put some blame on us women saying that some of us don’t keep it sexy don’t do the things we use to do but kids, jobs, bills and other crazy stuff often times does get in the way.  My male told me one day that his girl just stopped having sex with him, cut the sex off right away and they live together.  He was moody around people, stayed out at clubs more and ended up cheating and in that case I don’t understand why she did that and it could have been her fault but he could have made her explain why she did that and if she needed space that would have been more acceptable.  And of course since the pool men of for women is slim to none there is going to be a woman out there who doesn’t care about what’s at home and still want to sleep with the taken ones because the taken ones don’t beg, and they give that space women always asking for.

March Book: Act Like a Lady: Think Like a Man

OK, so this #1 New York Times Bestseller finally caught my eye on Saturday afternoon when I went into Barnes and Nobles to get change for the meter.  I saw the abundance of books behind the cashier’s head and big stickers that read: 30% off.  It was for the newly acclaimed woman’s guide to knowing what men think about love, relationships, intimacy and commitment.  It was Steve Harvey’s highly talked about book: Act like a Lady: Think like a Man.  So I broke down and bought it.  I went back and forth saying I was not going to read it and I didn’t want Steve to tell me something I already knew and something that I refuse to follow in my own dealings with men.  The first couple of pages were not the great, in fact I called my mother to tell her I don’t know why I even bought it but it was when my girl Robyn said she wanted to read this book, so I made the decision to select it for the March booksfubu reading of the month.  After a few more reading, a few laughs and a few dag on its, it picked up and I am appreciating this sound and clear advice and the reality check, that I have to require more from these men and there is nothing wrong with that if I want to get what I really want.

Part I: The Mind Set of a Man was interesting.  In Chapter One: What drives a man.  I was reminded that men are driven by everything.  A man has to be ready for something and he has to want to do it and feel passionate it about it,  most men are driven by a job, by sports, by money, by fame and not saying women are not but it’s just that simple for men.  So simple to the point I think that is all they care about.  But Steve explains it that it’s in the DNA.  It is a manhood thing.  They are taught from early on to be responsible get a job and take care of the family they are driven from those rules set on early in age.  So when we think a man doesn’t care ladies, he does but he has to be driven by something and want to do it we can’t make them do it. 

Chapter Two: Our love isn’t like your love was good.   This chapter was good.  He breaks down the three P’s, something a man will do when he really loves a woman. He will profess, provide and protect. My dad is all three of these but I have not come across to many young men who are like this.  How Steve explains the Profess part, he will tell you he loves you he will show you that he really loves you by letting the world know it.  It’s that simple by telling everyone you are his woman, lady, his girl not just a friend. I think men are quick to call someone their friend without knowing if the woman wants to be more than just a friend.  The man will provide if he really loves you. That is making sure that you have everything you need and want.  If he can’t get it today then tomorrow kind of providing.   He will put his need of the family first.  A man will protect for his love.  He will not do anything that harms you. 

Chapter Three: The Three Things Every Man Needs-Support, Loyalty and the Cookie.  This chapter was just as informative.   It was nice to hear what men need, right?  I assumed the support part but he broke it down.  The kind if support that follows with trusting because I guess it is hard to support a man that will put the family in debut of behind but you have to trust that he is not the kind of man that will do that.  Men like to be appreciated as well and I did learn to support the men in my life that mean something to me and that I care about.  A man must know that he is not breaking his back for nothing that it means something in the end.  Loyalty is the second item Steve suggests men need.  A loyal woman is a good woman a women who will not run out on him, I feel once a man gets hurt real bad it’s hard for him to move on from that.  He needs to know a woman doesn’t think another can do it better.  The last one was the cookie.  This was on funny to me because us women know the power of the PUSSY and we do hold out if we are mad, jealous, angry, sad, emotional, all the things that don’t get us in the mood to have sex. The cookie is the sex and intimacy.  Men needs pleasure just as much as women and when women start to use it against them the men will find someone who is willing to just give the cookie away with no hesitation.   

1. Do you think women often times do not know how to encourage their men?

2. What are the three comment things women need from a man?

Let me know what you think, leave a comment!


Jealousy Set The Fire: The Ending

By Chapter 62, Thandy and Dr. Gabrielle have blended their families.  The boys are living with him not their mother maybe for some type of comfort due to the divorce.  During dinner, Dr. Gabrielle tells Thandy that he is taking her to the Medical Association Ball, an event that only whose who attends.  The limo arrives to the house and to her surprise its the Governor Sloane, who is a dear friend, his wife and her good friend Philly, the one who kept her grounded and told her to leave Dr. Gabrielle.  They all show up and they head to the ball as the black elite of Atlanta.  Everyone is amazed that Dr. Gabrielle brought a woman that was not his wife Etienne.  This made Thandy a little nervous and even more when some of his crazy old girls were there, even Angel.  She talked to the doctor and Thandy and he told her he would tell her all about things later.  There was no later, Thandy wanted to go home right away.  By 5:00am, the home was on fire.  Thandy and Dr. Gabrielle attempted to get everyone out including the maid but when the doctor realized Thandy was still stuck inside he ran in the burning home. Thandy was OK, but Dr. Gabrielle died.  He died trying to save his family and those he loved the most.  After the boys were treated by a doctor, Thandy and the kids headed to a hotel where Etienne and Sloane met then up there.  Etienne felt so bad for her because she knew her and her ex really loved each other.  Etienne gave her some money, for whatever reason but it seemed like a thank you gesture for taking care of her won kids.  Sloane and Thandy tried to help the police figure out who set the fire and Angel came to mind.  At the funeral of Dr. Gabrielle it was a very emotional one.  Thandy felt it was important for everyone to know how much she loved him.  She was later arrested and at her trial she pleaded guilty and was given life.  Thandy felt sorry for her and knew that she didn’t want anyone to die as she stood and told the court.  It had been a year since Dr. Gabrielle died and Thandy and her daughter are visiting the grave sit.  Thandy learned soon after the fire that she was pregnant with Dr. Gabrielle’s child. It was a cold January day  and it was her son’s birthday. 

That was the end?  Dry right?  The ending seem rushed and weird.  My feelings on Thandy is that she was a smart woman but she let a man twice take her around the world and back.  She had a bad habit of falling for men who are about themselves first and her second.  She lost a great job a home in Chicago and some stability for her daughter.  Now she has a ex husband who is in jail for life raising a daughter going to college and a little boy by a man who was married and now is dead.  What more pain could she bring on to herself.  I thought the relationship with her and her mother would develop more and they would talk but it seems as though they talked through Montana.  So this whole time it was her grandfather who called her his January Girl, besides her birthday being in January, it was never explained why the book was called that.   Over all, I like the connection everyone had, how it all came to a end later but I like to learn something from reading books and I learned that you can never truly have something that was never yours to begin with.

Tomorrow, the first posting for Act Like A Lady: Think Like A Man by: Steve Harvey.